My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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