I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
