apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
