Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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