but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
