On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
