Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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