So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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