If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize