I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize