You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
