I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
