What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
