I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
