WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
