We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
