the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
