We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
two words...techno handjob
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
