Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think your dad took our porno
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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