just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
