thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
