Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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