Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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