Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
