We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
