A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
