Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
