Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Randomize