I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
