don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize