You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
