I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
