it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My dick has a subreddit
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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