i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
