I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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