i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
