You're my little dorito
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
