So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
