where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
