omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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