you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
