were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
