Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
