So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
