is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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