Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
