Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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