i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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