I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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