Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why can't burritos get me drunk
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
