good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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