If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize