You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
