so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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