Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize