Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
