Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
