if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
this is an emotional support booty call
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
