I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
