We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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