What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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