hotel room ftw
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
