This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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