if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
