in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
