also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
