His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
