so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
