im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i've created a new STD.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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