can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
