Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
