That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
