She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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