sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
