break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This is not my ceiling
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
