I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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